Sometimes when we're not familiar with something, or don't make an effort to research in to things, we might conjure up some ideas that have no basis in reality. Kink is not immune to this and has long since been considered a taboo topic because of wide-ranging (and very common!) misconceptions that the vanilla world
We've made a list of the top myths about the BDSM lifestyle and we're here to dispel them!
BDSM IS JUST ABOUT SEX
Sex can be a part of kinky play or even kinky in itself, but BDSM does not exclusively always include sexual acts. The very acronym 'Bondage, Dominance, Sadism and Masochism' infers nothing about sex, with most players drawn to these major umbrellas of kink having roots in very non-sexual places. The appeal of BDSM goes beyond sex - the mental and non-genital stimulation is a major drawing card for most who choose to engage in the lifestyle,
YOU CAN'T BE A FEMINIST IF YOU'RE KINKY
Feminism, in general, implies equal rights for men and women alike. Some believe that females who willingly choose to submit, or even dominate for that matter, can't possibly believe in equality because of the enjoyment or power exchange that may occur. The assumption that kink can't be feminist has derogatory roots, stemming from the belief that BDSM is about abuse.
KINK IS JUST A FAD
How can this be true when we know that a kink is simply something unconventional that gets us off? Perhaps it is the recent boom in interest from the public through depictions of kink in the media that has led to this perception. Kink is as old as time - and fetishisation is too.
BEING KINKY IS RARE
Prevalent kink-shaming in society leads us to believe that only 'weirdos' can be kinky, while kink-shaming itself stems from the idea that BDSM should be taboo. What's kinky to one person may not be to another - of course it's subjective - but most people have some sort of sexual (or sensual) fantasy. Those fantasies are kinks.
YOU HAVE TO SUBSCRIBE TO ONLY A DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE ROLE
Experimentation in roles within play is strongly encouraged in the world of BDSM, with some going so far as to say that 'dominants can only properly know what they're doing if they've experienced it themselves'. Only subscribing to one particular role would be a shame, and is rooted in terribly antiquated gender role stereotypes.
BDSM IS VIOLENT ABUSE AND IT'S DANGEROUS
The kinky community prides itself on it's practices of consent and predatory behavior is overall frowned upon. The whole ethos of 'Bondage, Dominance, Sadism and Masochism' is that those who engage do so willingly and informed. Of course, with ignorance and lack of respect comes reported instances of when consent has not been sought and limits being broken. There is a line between BDSM and abuse and it is a very clear one.
ONLY DERANGED PEOPLE PARTICIPATE IN KINK
As already mentioned, being kinky is not a rare phenomenon. This is another misconception rooted from the idea that BDSM should be taboo. Some consider BDSM practice as a form of therapy or healthy self expression, but it is not unusual for someone to enjoy what they do simply because they do.
BDSM IS DEFINED BY WHIPS, CHAINS AND LEATHER
Aesthetic identifiers of the BDSM lifestyle are simply the manifestation of kink culture itself. Whips and chains are usually referred to because of the association with impact play and use of restraints, while leather clothing has become hyper-sexualised in the media in the past few decades. It is ignorant to stereotype a culture and not acknowledge those who have interests different to these, including (but not limited to) ABDL players, 1950s households, zentai enthusiasts, etc.
50 SHADES OF GREY IS AN ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF THE BDSM LIFESTYLE
Firstly, 50 Shades Of Grey is fiction - a fantasy - and for that very fact should in no way be taken as an instructional guide to BDSM. In the kink community there is a widespread belief that 50 Shades Of Grey, while helping to normalize talking about kink, has actually done more harm than good for the lifestyle - specifically regarding issues of informed consent and accountability.