Kim Debron shares with us her experience of living in a collared 24/7 dynamic with her Master, Master Joe.
One of my Master’s favourite sayings is “This is a dictatorship, NOT a democracy, and I am the BOSS!” and that is certainly true in our life.
Living in a D/s relationship is extremely interesting and at times very challenging. You really do have to change your whole way of thinking, and of how you look at life. When I first began to see my Master, I didn’t dream for one minute that I would end up being Collared to Him, let alone become His life partner and move in with Him too! However, as time went on, it became obvious to us both, that what we have is something rare and special, and though it may not be everyone’s idea of paradise, for Master and for me, it is a winning formula.
A lot of people in the Lifestyle may think that living in a 24/7 would be the ultimate, and I guess for me it is, but it is not always easy, and there are many speed bumps to be negotiated along the way. The simple act of living together is difficult enough in a vanilla relationship – when the relationship is D/s, it brings a whole new set of conditions to adjust to. For example, in a vanilla relationship, the decision about where things are put becomes a joint one - a discussion between two people about what looks or works best.
In our relationship, Master decides what goes where – I can, and do, respectfully suggest things, and sometimes my suggestions are taken up, but in the end, the final say is Master’s – even down to which side of the sink shall we put the soap!
I do struggle with this concept at times, especially over things that seem important to me, yet perhaps trivial to Master. I struggle with the fact that it’s not my place to worry over something, that it’s not my place to make a comment about something, even if whatever it may be, concerns me directly. I made many mistakes in the early days of our relationship, and I still do make them, possibly because i have always been an independent person, in control of my own life, and now, though i have chosen to give that up, it is still hard to change my way of thinking in some respects.
The basis for our relationship is D/s and no matter what situation we are in, I never, ever forget that He is Master and i am submissive. At home, things are often very relaxed and we do have vanilla moments, we laugh and joke around, we do “normal” things, but in an instant that can change, and with a simple look or a word, Master can have my heart racing and my mind in a turmoil as He puts me firmly back in my place.
We are always trying to balance the vanilla side with the D/s side, and it is often a tightrope walk with egg shells underneath, though as time goes on, we are getting better at the balancing act. There are times when I feel as if I want more D/s, but as a submissive I know that this is not about me, it is about my Master - His wants and His needs are paramount, and I remind myself of this now and again. If I forget, then Master will remind me! It can’t be full on D/s all the time, that would be hard work for Master, and i believe eventually we would come to resent each other, He for having to “Dom” me all the time, and me for being “under His thumb” every minute of the day. It would destroy us in the end.
There is a lot more D/s going on than most people would realise though, a glance, a certain tone in His voice, a simple request for a cup of tea, they may all seem like normal things, but the way its done leaves no doubt in my mind just who is in control.
The way I look at my life is very different now. Getting my head around some things has taken time, but I am secure and confident and know exactly who and what I am, and I am totally comfortable with it. Being Master’s property means that I am, in essence, just like other things He owns - the tv, the stereo, the computer, the new bed – they are all items of property, just like me.
The new bed we picked out is not our bed - it is Master’s bed – the bed i am permitted to share, knowing that at any time i can be told to sleep elsewhere.
Because I am Master’s property, whatever items I bring to the house become His, He owns me, therefore He owns my things too – of course that is within reason, and I honestly cannot see Master claiming ownership of my old teddy bear for example!
My life is probably a little different to other submissives who live in a 24/7 though, because of the fact that my Master not only owns other submissives, but also gives demonstrations and teaches the arts of BDSM to various people. This means that I not only have to accept that He needs to give His time and His particular brand of D/s to His other submissives, but also I am confronted with Him playing with other people too. Because I am very secure in my relationship with Master, this doesn’t pose a problem for me now, though in the earlier days, I found it hard to get my head around things like that. I know that Master plays with me differently to anyone else, and He never ever hides anything from me either – I often watch other sessions, which also helps me to understand things, and I learn something new from every one.
I think that living in a D/s relationship requires a huge amount of trust, honesty, and communication - more so perhaps than in a vanilla relationship, though those qualities are important no matter what situation two people are in. However, because of the very nature of the dynamics of a D/s relationship, there has to be complete and utter trust and honesty, and that can only come with good communication. As a submissive, I have given control of every aspect of my life to my Master, therefore I must trust Him to make the right decisions for me, so that my life is one of happiness and fulfillment.
I must also be totally honest about everything, because how can He make an informed and correct decision for me, if I don’t tell Him the whole truth? From Master’s point of view, He must also be totally honest with me because otherwise how could I trust Him with my life if He wasn’t? He has a responsibility to take care of me, to keep me safe and secure – and it is not something that should be taken lightly. We both need to be able to communicate our thoughts and feelings in order for this to be a successful and lasting relationship.
A good D/s relationship needs consistency too. I know the rules and if I break them I know the consequences. Master is consistent in everything He does and says. I know if He says something is going to happen, then it will. I know if He says something will not happen, then it won’t.
So with consistency and honesty comes trust and communication, I know that I can trust His word in everything, and I know He will listen to me and will communicate His own feelings to me as well.
For me, this relationship is the most complete I have ever been in. There is no part missing, no part of me left unfulfilled or wanting, no part wondering if there is more to life than what i have. I have given Master the “whole girl”- He has my mind, my body, my heart and my soul. I serve Him with that in mind all the time, and I give Him all of me, and in return He fills my needs. People may believe that I give more than He does in our relationship, but in my view, He gives me so much, He gives me security, safety, love and laughter, and the control I crave. Really, we fill each other’s needs - I need to be flogged and spanked and played with - He needs to do those things. I need the security and control - He needs to give that. We are like two halves of the whole, and without doubt it is the right way for us.
Our life can be frustrating and fraught with speed bumps, just like any other relationship, but when combined with the basic undercurrent of D/s, the boundaries are more clearly defined, and therefore it is a more consistent feeling all the time. I am secure in the knowledge that Master loves me, that I am owned by Him, and I know that fact will never change or waiver no matter what happens.
If I misbehave, He may get angry, He may well stand me in the corner, or punish me, but His love is a constant in my life.
I have changed a lot since moving in with Master, I am much more aware of the dynamics of what we share, and the fact that my behaviour is a direct reflection on Him and of the way He has trained me.
I am very conscious of that when we are out in public, and knowing I wear His Collar around my neck, with a tag on that reads “Property of MJ”, fills me with pride and happiness, and I believe my behaviour reflects those feelings.
I know that I try harder to please Him than i have ever tried to please another person. I know that He is without doubt, the most important person in my life along with my son. Nothing else matters, only His presence in my life - His happiness and wellbeing.
The utter joy I feel when I wake up each morning and know, that again, I will serve His tea, sit at His feet and do whatever He asks to the best of my ability, proves that living in a D/s relationship is right for me.
© Kim Debron 2005
This article is taken, with permission, from Kim’s website: www.kimdebron.com.au and is copyrighted to Kim Debron, 2005
[It is important here to state that this excerpt has been altered to change the first singular pronoun 'i' to it's capitalised version, for the sake of our magazine's formatting. The original version was uncapitalised, as per respect protocol in the author's own dynamic.]